


Green Grass

by Deiohx



Series: Dragon Fish Heaven [4]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Death, Grief/Mourning, Love, M/M, Moving On, Shapeshifting, no beta we die like Lance did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deiohx/pseuds/Deiohx
Summary: Lay your head where my heart used to be,Hold the Earth above me,Lay down in the green grass,Remember when you loved me,Lance wasn’t meant to be the first to die
Relationships: Lance Mcloverboy/Dasher
Series: Dragon Fish Heaven [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962607
Kudos: 1





	Green Grass

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading, you should listen to ‘Green Grass’ by cosmo sheldrake. 
> 
> Also, I am not apologizing for anything

“ it’s gonna be okay, you’ll be okay “ Dasher kept repeating, one hand putting pressure on the bleeding wound “i just have to get you back to the ship”

“Dasher.. It’s too far..” Lance’s said between breaths, pain clear on his face. Dasher ignored him as he ran between the trees

“we can make it. We’ll get you fixed up, you’ll get a scar, but you’ll be fine” Dasher said as he looked around the clearing. Where was the path? He had to find the path.

“Dasher…” Lance’s voice shook as he tried to get his attention again. Dasher shook his head “just stay awake, love” Dasher said. Dasher turned his head to look between the trees, he couldn’t recognize any of these trees or paths. 

Dasher’s breath got quicker as he panicked, he couldn’t find the path home to the ship. He tightened his hold on the small body in his arms. 

Lance’s voice brought him back to the reality with a single request “Dasher… just hold me… please”. 

Dasher wanted to deny the request, tell Lance they were going to the ship. But they were lost… and Lance was losing more and more blood.

… who was he to deny his love one last wish?

Dasher’s eyes teared up “you sure? We can still make it?”. That was a lie, to Lance or to himself, Dasher didn’t know. 

Lance gave him a tired smile “ I’m sure”. 

Dasher closed his eyes tightly, he took a shaking breath as he nodded. He found a spot by one of the trees, sitting done on the dirty ground. 

Dasher’s hands trembled, one still pressing against Lance’s bleeding wound, coloring his fingers red. He wanted to keep running, to get help. He hated himself for not doing it. 

Lance’s breathing was uneven, but still fighting, still trying to overcome the pain.   
“Lance, we should keep going” Dasher said, a beg in his voice “I can’t lose you, I can’t look them in the eyes without you”. 

Lance shook his head “we would just be wasting time…” Lance’s face turned in pain “I need one last moment with you…” 

“ and you want it to be like this? Filled with pain?” Dasher asked, already trying to get up, but Lance grabbed Dasher’s shirt

“ I am never in pain when I’m with you” he said, tears running down the cyan cheeks. Lance sniffed “I’m scared…” he said 

Dasher nodded “ I know, but I’m here” he tried to comfort Lance “ I’m right here, and I’m not leaving you” he assured him. 

Lance’s breath shook in his lungs. His eyes looked up at the sky, the clouds looked so soft. The birds were tweeting at the tree tops, unaware of the pain happening below them. 

He looked to Dasher with pleading eyes   
“don’t leave them please.. Paric and Kath.. They need you” he panted, Lance held onto Dasher’s shirt, his grip shaking slightly.

“ tell them.. It happened fast, that I didn’t feel anything” Lance cried “ I don’t want them to know”. Dasher nodded as he tried to keep his own tears from falling “i will” he said.

Lance coughed, blood starting to color the side of his mouth. Dasher’s hand pressed onto the wound harder, but the blood was still dripping between his fingers, the white shirt turning more and more crimson. Lance managed to move his hand up, getting the long gold necklace over his head. 

With shaking hands, Lance got a hold on Dasher's hand that wasn’t holding him up, and pressed the gold necklace into Dasher’s bloody palm. “don’t forget me, please, I don't want to be forgotten,” he said. Dasher held Lance’s hand tightly, feeling the gold necklace pressing into his palm like a lifeline. 

“i’ll never forget you, I promise”

Lance smiled through the tears, a smile that should never have felt pain like this. Lance reached one hand up and touched Dasher’s cheek, fingers gently running over faded scared one last time. Dasher couldn’t stop his tears. 

“ I love you so much” Lance sobbed

Dasher smiled through the tears “ I love you with everything I am, and everything I will ever be” Dasher leaned his head closer to Lance “my heart belongs to you, and you alone”

Lance smiled, placing a kiss where Dasher’s lips would have been and said “and mine to you”

Lance leaned his head against Dasher’s chest, white hair tickling Dasher’s jaw as the dragonborn held his lover closer to his own heart. Dasher could feel the weak heartbeat in Lance’s chest. 

Lance hummed softly, his breath light on Dasher’s skin “ Lay your head where my heart used to be… Hold the earth above me… Lay down in the green grass” Lance took a deep breath for the next line “ Remember when you loved me” 

It was a song Dasher taught him, one from Dasher’s homeland. A soft melody, a sad lullaby. But Lance loved it from the moment he heard it, finding a comfort in the old words and gentle melody.

Dasher grew up with the song, the adults sang it to put the restless children to sleep. He knew it by heart. It was a song of sorrow and love. 

The lines got quieter, turning into soft mumbles as Lance’s breathing slowed, his face getting paler by the minute. Dasher closed his eyes, the hand holding Lance’s shook as he took over singing the lyrics.

“ Don't say goodbye to me, Describe the skies to me, And when the sky falls, mark my words” Dasher felt Lance’s hand go limp in his own, his last breath sounded so loud in his ear

“We'll catch a mockingbird…”

Dasher curled over Lance’s body as he broke into sobs. He trembled, cursing the gods for taking Lance away from him. 

The roar Dasher let out was filled with pain and agony, the birds in the trees flew from the treetops. It rang in the air, every being on the island must have heard it. 

………………..

the first few nights on the ships after they buried Lance was quiet. Osiris’s banjo didn’t play for a long time after Lance’s death. But like all wounds, it healed, and they learnt to continue their lives. 

Lance would never have wanted the music to end. They would honor his memory by keep it playing. 

It helped most of them.

It didn’t help Dasher. 

He didn’t sleep most nights, his heart ached whenever he saw their old hammock in the crew's sleeping quarters. Memories of sleepless nights full of sweet whispers and laughs would keep him awake. Lance’s things still laid in the bag hanging by the hammock above Dasher. It was full of pictures, souvenirs from their adventures, his jewelry, his clothes. Everything Lance had ever owned was in that bag. 

He worked most of the days, afraid if he rested in one spot for too long, his grief would overpower him. He spent more and more time up the crows nest of the ship, alone with his grief and the wind. Some nights he would take the bag with Lance’s things up there, look them over and remember how Lance got it, if Dasher gave it to him, if Lance stole it, anything to get a happy memory of Lance. 

Storm wasn’t too happy with the isolation Dasher put himself in when the grief overwhelmed him. But she knew he did it so Kath and Paric didn’t see it. The kids missed Lance terribly, but Dasher shouldn’t have to hide his broken heart like this. 

people joined and left their crew as months passed, some stayed for a while, but they all eventually left to go on with their own journey. There were simple rules they all got used to. 

Don’t disturb Dasher in the crows nest unless ordered to. Don’t touch what doesn’t belong to you. Don’t take the hammock above Dasher’s. 

at one of the stops they had picked up a shapeshifter. 

she called herself Kia. None of them were sure if the dark skin and purple long curls were her own or someone else's, but it was the form she preferred to take. She was tall, a beautiful woman who carried herself with mischief and pride. 

the kids liked her, finding her abilities exciting to watch, and her stories engaging. Osiris seemed to have taken a liking to her as well.

Dasher didn’t mind her. She seemed nice, a smart crew member, and he wouldn’t give her the cold shoulder if she talked to him. But he never engaged in the conversations first. 

It was a hot day when it happened. The sea was quiet and the sun was bathing down over the ship, not a cloud in the sky. 

Dasher walked down the steps to the kitchen, planning on getting some water after spending hours in the heat. He pushed the door open. He took a few steps in, his eyes getting used to the shadows after being on deck for hours. He felt around for a glass

“Hey Dasher” 

He knew that voice. 

Dasher turned his head and froze at the sight before him. 

There on the counter of the kitchen table, sat the merfolk his heart longed for so desperately. One hand held a mirror up, while the other was busy messing with the white curls. Dark eyes traveled from the mirror for a brief moment, looking at him and grinned. 

That was not his Lance. 

“ what ya think Dasher? pretty nice right?” the shapeshifter smiled, turning back to admiring the face in the mirror. Dasher stood frozen in the spot. His heart was tearing apart at the sight. She just kept talking “ I found this photo, normally I don’t care for sea creatures, but this hot rocking body was just too pretty not to try on”

“change back” Dasher's voice came fast, barely keeping it together. Rage started to bubble in his veins

she raised an eyebrow that didn’t belong to her. That body didn’t belong to her. “ what?” that soothing voice didn’t belong to her. 

“ change back!” Dasher couldn’t stop the growl in his voice. He clenched his fist, feeling his blood boiling with anger. 

The fins flinched up, hands almost dropping the mirror. Dasher couldn’t stop himself, all he saw was blind rage. 

Dasher slammed the body up against the wall. Dasher didn’t see the others enter the kitchen, he was too busy trying not to kill the shapeshifter in pure rage. He growled at Kia as he pressed his claws against her chest “he is not yours to use! He is not some costume for you to play with!” He yelled

the room was quiet, no one dared move a muscle. Blue hands came up to grib the arm that was holding the body inplace. Blue eyes look with fear up at the Dragonborn. 

“take his face off. Now” he ordered cold

the fins on the shapeshifters head went down. Dasher had to remind himself that this was not his Lance. Claws digged into the shirt, close to ripping the fabric and possibly skin.

“NOW” he roared after the shapeshifter didn’t move at all. As if snapped out of her fear, she started to turn back. The blue hands changing into darker ones, white curls turning longer and purple. 

it helped calm the dragonborn, but his anger was still blazing in his veins. He didn’t move his hand just yet, his claws not letting go on the shirt. He leaned in “ you can have any face you want, but don’t ever use his face ever again”

Kia nodded, too scared to say anything back. Never had she seen Dasher so angry.

And alive.

“Dasher” Storm cut through to him. She stepped forward, grabbing the wrist of the hand holding Kia in place “that’s enough. She made a mistake”.

The air was tense. Dasher closed his eyes as he willed himself to let go of her. Storm still stood tall. Besides Bumi, she was the only other crew member who stood a fighting chance against Dasher. 

Dasher opened his mouth, but no words came out. His fists were still shaking with anger. His jaw locked shut and he ran out of the kitchen. 

Kia let out a breath of relief “oh thank god, I thought he was gonna rip me limp from limp-“. A furry hand slammed into the wall next to her head before Kia could finish her sentence. 

“hand over the picture” Storm hissed at her, a hand held out in front of her “now”. Kia saw the same anger in her eyes. Kia pull out the picture from one of her pockets. 

It was old, white lines from bends and yellow edges from water damage. But the smiling face was still the same, tilted slightly to the right, bright smile and fins peaking up in happiness. 

A happy memory. 

Storm grabbed it and looking it over with sad eyes. She then glared up at Kia “Paric. Kath. Please make sure this photo gets back to where it belongs” Storm said, the boy rushing forward and grabbing it.

The two kids knew it was an excuse to get them out of there. Osiris closed the door after them. 

Storm spend the rest of the evening lecturing Kia about stealing and the rules on this ship. Storm wanted to yell at her for changing into Lance, but Kia didn’t know who Lance was or what happened. 

And it wasn’t Storm’s place to tell her. 

……………….

Dasher stood alone up in the crows nest, watching the sun set over the sea, painting the sky a soft orange color and the clouds a sweet pink. 

The small lookout post had become a safe space for the dragonborn, a place he knew he could be alone with his thoughts. 

His claws was digging into the sides of the railing, his anger long gone but he was still upset. Now only feeling the sadness running through him.

Dasher heard the sound of wings, a whooshing sound behind him. He looked over his shoulder just in time to see Kia turn back into her favorite appearance. 

“Hey” Kia said quietly. Dasher turned his head away, ignoring her. 

The tension between them were thick, the silence barely being drowned out by the sound of the ocean.

“ so… who is he?” Kia finally asked “ I mean, he must be really special to drag such a rise out of you”. 

Dasher remained quiet, still looking out over the ocean. But she wouldn’t give up. Kia leaned back against the railing on her side of the crows nest, crossing one leg over the other “you know him, and i’m guessing you were close. Was he a crewmate?”. She knew it was a bad idea pushing it. Based on everyone’s reaction today, it was a touchy subject for Dasher. 

“he was more than a crewmate to me” Dasher finally said. He sighed and looked at her “his name was Lance” he then made a sad chuckle as he said “Lance Mcloverboy”. 

she gave him a surprised look “Mcloverboy? as in Dasher Mcloverboy?” she asked, and Dasher smiled as he nodded “ yes, that Mcloverboy?”. Dasher laid a hand on his chest, pulling the yellow scarf down a bit to show her the necklace with his wedding ring, Lance’s old gold necklace hanging right under it. Dasher smiled “he was my husband”.

“oh.. Dasher I am so sorry, if I had known I would never have-” she started to apologize, she couldn’t imagine how awful it must have been for Dasher. But Dasher held his hand up to stop her “ you don’t have to. You didn’t know”.

she placed her hands in her lap. She felt ashamed of herself “it still doesn’t make it okay..”. 

Dasher nodded, a hand fixing his scarf to cover the jewelry again. Kia look up at him “what was he like?” she asked “ I mean, if you don’t want to talk about him, we don’t have to”. Dasher shook his head, he held a frown but was still smiling “ no, I don’t mind”.

he looked back out over the ocean “ Lance was.. Special” he chuckled “ he was dramatic, loving, funny.. Beautiful” Dasher smiled “he cared a lot about looking his best, he liked being the center of attention”. 

“he always spoke his mind. It got us in trouble a lot, but he spoke it nonetheless”. Dasher looked down at his hands “he taught me that, to speak my mind, to be me” Dasher smiled. 

“what happened to him?”

Dasher got quiet, closing his eyes as if he considered telling her or not. “ it should have been me..” he started “ we had gone into land at some island. Me and Lance had gone into the forest to explore. But then we were attacked..” Dasher placed his hand on his forehead “ I failed to see one of the natives sneaking up in me and... Lance got in between us”. 

Dasher looked at her again “ the native buried a knife in Lance’s side.. And then disappeared” 

Dasher took a deep breath, but it came out shaking “I tried to get us back to the ship, but we were lost” he closed his eyes “he asked me to hold him as he passed” 

Kia listened in silence, giving Dasher the time he needed “it was nightfall by the time I reached the ship” 

Dasher’s fingers tightened on the railing “Lance was raised in Hellenism, Greek believes” he smiled “but he was never a big believer, so he converted for me” he coughed a bit “we gave him a warriors burial, and sent him off to sea the following night”

He bowed his head “if I had paid attempt just been a bit faster.. He would still be here” he said. 

The silence fell over them again. Dasher needed a moment to collect himself, to keep the tears from escaping his eyes

“ do you believe?” Dasher asked after a few minutes had passed. 

“ believe? in what?” Kia asked, crossing her arms to try and keep herself warm up. 

“gods? an afterlife?” He asked, looking at her. 

Kia hummed a bit, looking out at the ocean before she answered him. “mhmm I do believe in an afterlife. The necromancers have to get the souls from somewhere. But gods? no” she tilted her head “do you?”

“yes. I believe in the nordic gods” he said “i devoted my life to Thor from an early age” he let go of the railing and turned around to lean his lower back up against the railing. 

“ there was a long time after Lance’s... Death” the words stung to say “ where I cursed the gods for taking Lance away from me. But now, I find comfort in the thought of Lance in valhalla” Dasher chuckled “ he’s probably causing havoc, dancing on tables and wooing all the warriors with his voice” Dasher chuckled, the imagine of Lance tap dancing away with a mug of beer in hand playing in his head. 

“ I dream of the day I get to see him again. But until then” Dasher looked down at the deck, where Paric and Kath were washing the floor, Osiris sitting with his banjo on the stairs, tuning it. “i’ll protect the ones he left behind” Dasher said. . 

“why don’t you ever talk about him?” Kia asked

“ I do talk about him” he said “ but you didn’t know him, and no one should have to listen to an old man grieve over someone you could never meet”. 

Kia nodded slightly, moving the purple locks behind her ear “how long has he been?...” she trailed off. 

“One year, three months and fifteen days” Dasher said “feels like yesterday he would call me ‘Dashy’ and cover my face in kisses as I tried to work” Dasher chuckled, but the smile on his face was bittersweet. 

“Have you… tried dating again?” Kia asked with a raised eyebrow “sorry if that sounds inconsiderate” she said. 

Dasher shook his head “no, it’s fine” he said “Osiris and Storm have suggested I should try, but..” he looked down at the deck again, Osiris was sitting with his banjo, now finally playing the damn thing, Paric moving to the rhythm as he mopped the floor. 

“I don’t think I can fall in love again” Dasher shrugged “at least not the same way I did with Lance” he sighed “he was the love of my life. The complete opposite of me, but he understood me in a way no ever has, and I understood him”. 

Kia smiled “he was your soulmate”, she stated and Dasher nodded, a hand coming up to touch the ring under his scarf. 

“ I talk to him sometimes,” Dasher then said “Every morning I ask Thor to look out for my Lance in my prayer. And sometimes when i’m alone up here, I think Lance answers me in the wind. Pushing me the right directions” Dasher looked out over the ocean. 

“ I think Lance would have liked you” Dasher’s hand leaving the rings and he crossed his arms “he would probably ask you to play pranks on me with that shapeshifting. Making me think he was everywhere at any time” 

Kia looked him over. She took a deep breath, picking her words carefully. “ if you want.. I could change back into him? say the things you need?” Kia offered. She felt guilty, and unable to help him. 

“ no.. I don’t want to disrespect his memory” Dasher spoke quick and looked at her “the last thing he told me was that he loved me. That memory should not me ruined by my impatience” Dasher shook his head.

Kia bowed her head “alright. I just wanted to offer it, after what happened earlier”.

Dasher placed one hand down on the railing again “ it hurts.. Not being able to hear his voice, or see him. But I know that one day I will see him again. And he will sing for me like he used to” 

“ you really loved him” Kia smiled softly. 

“ I still do” Dasher smiled “ he was the love of my life”. A strong breeze blew over them, Dasher’s yellow scarf and Kia’s purple curls blowing in the wind. 

Dasher chuckled “and that would be Lance” he said and looked back over the sea, the sun barely peeking over the horizon. 

Kia stood up straight “I’ll leave you two alone then” she said. She turned into a mockingbird, the head nodding her good night. Dasher smiled to her “goodnight Kia”.

She spread her wigs and flew back down to the deck. 

Dasher smiled as he felt the breeze blow over him again, like a comforting hug on his shoulders. “I’m alright,” he said out to the wind. 

He sat down on the small wooden stool and looked up at the stars starting to appear on the night sky. 

Dasher hummed, softly mumbling the lines to the wind.

“Don't say goodbye to me  
Describe the skies to me  
And when the sky falls, mark my words  
We'll catch a mockingbird”


End file.
